Photo taken from Twitter.com
I have this dream – a recurring vision, really – that I’m sitting across the desk from Joe Rogan. He’s asking me questions about my past: my decade-long battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, my erstwhile journalism career, my unlikely odyssey to a second career as a long-haul truck driver, and my lifelong ambition to become an author of memorable fiction. For the sake of comedy and biographical context we go way back to my school days, where I was tall and gangly, shy and awkward, a bullying victim and deathly afraid to talk to girls.
Joe’s never had a guest quite like me. Okay, let’s settle down with the hyperbole. The truth is, he regularly welcomes guests – scientists, journalists, musicians, media personalities – who are unlike him because he’s highly curious. He’s also refreshingly prepared to change his perspective on just about anything, after being convinced by facts or a compelling argument. Note to self: conjure a compelling argument.
In My Mind, This Is How It Goes
Joe and I discuss some things we have in common: a lifelong devotion to health and fitness; similarly, our shared love of running hills; an unstoppable imagination; a youthful appearance and outlook; and our age – we were both born in 1967. We could delve into our shared sense of humour, although his is legendary and lucrative while mine makes my wife shake her head.
I tell him I can’t believe I’m sitting in the seat once occupied by Steven Tyler. I say that because of his podcast, I’ve become more informed and enlightened about Egyptology, astrophysics, wild game hunting, deer diseases and the many benefits of smoking pot. (I don’t smoke but now I know the greater truths.) I explain that I’ve learned a lot more about famous folks such as fellow Canadian Jordan Peterson, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Judd Apatow and Elon Musk. I say that I’ve enjoyed being introduced to some of the greatest contemporary comedians including his buddies Joey Diaz, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer.
My Super Sucky Years: The Meat of My Story
Getting personal, I try to inject humour into my agonizing battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. “You’re so frigging numbed by endless fatigue that…” I’ll have to come up with a riveting analogy that describes the true pain, hopelessness and insanity of living for months and years with CFS.
Diving into my fiction writing, I illustrate how it was practically the only thing that kept me going during those “Chronic Fatigue” years of the mid-90s. I was supposed to be in my physical prime yet I was wiped out and bummed out most hours of most days. If I hadn’t had a super solid upbringing and incredible support from Mom and Dad, I might not even be here any more.
I explain how I researched intensively about my illness, found a naturopath and naturopathic medicine, got the mercury fillings in my teeth removed and began a long and slow road to recovery. Then I met Kim and saw a beautiful light at the end of my dark and disturbing tunnel.
But, then I found out that I had testicular cancer. That would have been horrible under ordinary circumstances but honestly, living with CFS was far worse. In my case, the testicular cancer meant surgery followed by regular examinations, but no radiation or chemotherapy. As I go on about the cancer scare, I reach for a joke about becoming a one-ball wonder. Joe laughs because according to the plan in my head, he has to laugh. Or else I’m screwed.
He says something to the effect of, “Damn brother, you had it rough.” Fucking right I did.
To Ensure My Credentials…
I describe how I trained for four years with at a writing workshop, earned degrees in political science and journalism, worked professionally as a writer with two major news organizations including Canada’s national broadcaster, and won a couple of writing awards: one for fiction and one for non-fiction.
I talk about my debut novel: “Introducing Mr. Leroy Petch” and Leroy’s penchant for teenage vigilantism. Joe asks if the story is autobiographical and I say “no, it’s loosely based on a kid named Paul Taylor that I knew in school and how I imagined his life.” I add that every high schooler in North America should read it because Leroy is absolutely that cool. He asks where they might find it and I say, “Just about everywhere, once this podcast airs.”
The Big Believe
As I write this, I wonder what else we might talk about and if this conversation could actually happen. If you know about Joe Rogan and his rise to podcast superstar, you may ask why the hell would he would have me on his show when he routinely has three-hour conversations with well-known compelling guests.
I’ll play along: why would this guy – a famous comedian, TV host, martial arts commentator and actor – have me on his podcast? Believe me, I’ve repeatedly asked myself the same damn thing. The answer seems simple to me: Joe often says that he likes talking to interesting people because he always learns something. Overstatement aside, I’m at least an eight out of ten on the interesting scale, and I have a story unlike any that I’ve heard on a podcast.
Maybe most importantly, I believe Joe has the balls to put me – a no name 51-year-old Canadian – on the air, and the confidence to convince his audience that I’m every bit as fascinating as I’ve always believed I am.